So it’s two months until The Big Day (or, as I like to call it, TBD — not to be mistaken with ‘To Be Determined’), and I think I’ve survived the things that made me clench my fists, shake my head, and cry (yes, I shed a few tears).
I thought it would be a good idea to share these things, and hear about what crazy things happened when you or a friend planned a wedding! Let me know in the comments!
Everyone has an opinion. Sorry, let me rephrase that. Everyone (regardless of whether they’ve had a wedding or not) thinks they know best about what you should do for your wedding. The number of times The Fiancé and I would say “We’ve decided to do X“, followed by some person piping up with their opinion is just…I can’t even count the number of times it happened.
At first, I got mad. I would grit my teeth and mentally stamp my feet and say “No. We don’t want to do that thing that your cousin’s best friend’s relative did at their wedding instead of the really meaningful thing we’ve just told you we want to do”. The next step was me in tears. I would say “Well, we’ve decided to have chicken at the wedding”, and someone would say “Ugh, it’s so dry! Why would you want to do that?” with a look of disgust. I would get all red in the face and my lower lip would begin to tremble, with the embarrassing feeling of imminent tears taking over me. I would have to excuse myself, hide in the bathroom, and sob about how I wish people would keep their mean opinions to themselves, especially since we had already made the decision about chicken (how good is chicken, guys?!)
I received some good advice, which I ended up using. Either don’t tell people what you’re planning for the wedding (say something like “we want it to be a surprise for our guests!”) or simply smile, nod, and then don’t take the advice given to you if you don’t want it/don’t agree with it. Planning our wedding has been much more enjoyable since we decided to listen to this advice.
We had set ourselves a budget, and I had tried really, really hard to stick to it. I chose a more affordable videographer, venue and makeup artist than what I had seen in the glossy pages of Cosmo Bride and Hello May, I had made an agreement with my stationer that I would do her content for her in exchange for invitations, RSVP cards, Thank You cards, Gift Registry cards, name placeholders, and seating chart (I know, amazing), and had given up on the idea of having a photobooth (even though it had been a long-time dream of mine).
The topic of budget came up at a family dinner, where I burst into tears and explained how it was just so difficult to get people to lower their prices in an industry where things are three times as expensive as they should be. I had heard of people calling up photographers and asking for an event quote, and then getting someone to call up for a wedding quote. The two events were described as being of the same length, same number of people, and a week apart. Guess which one had an extra $2000 on the price tag? Yep, ridiculous.
I was so fed up, but my parents (hey guys) were adamant that we have our photobooth. They said “You’ve been talking about having a photobooth since before you were even engaged, we’ll find a way for it to happen”. So yeah, now we are getting a photobooth. The thing I did learn, though, is that there is always a cheaper and better option. Look for the niche videographers, the beauty bloggers who are makeup artists on the side, and the businesses who would really appreciate your expertise in a certain area in exchange for their services.
Not a strong suit of mine. At all. At the start of the engagement, I didn’t do anything, because I was so stunned at 1) being engaged, and 2) all the work and planning that lay ahead of me. A friend who was married this year, said to me, “It’s like a full-time job”. And it is. It really is. But when I shook off the feeling of “oh-my-god-there’s-so-much-to-do”, I went crazy A-type personality on everything. My poor mother was so upset at not being given something to do (sorry mum), and I was like this power-hungry bride who wanted to plan everything herself, occasionally turning on The Fiancé and saying “Why aren’t you helping?”.
It took a really long time for me to kind of delegate anything. I gave my mother the menial task of ordering kippot (Jewish head covers for men), after having already chosen the colour. I said to my bridesmaids that they can go and look for their own shoes. And that’s…probably it. The Fiancé did go and organise the suits with his groomsmen, so that’s something I had no part in.
But it’ll get better as the day gets closer. Well…I hope.
We often got the reaction from potential suppliers of “Oh wow, we don’t usually get the groom coming to these meetings!”, or something along the lines of “Why on earth did you bring the groom with you to this meeting, his opinion means little to me”.
It was so sad.
I had to remind them that he too is, in fact, getting married. Crazy notion, right? Once they got their heads around that, they would still direct questions at me instead of him. Needless to say, we didn’t go with these people. A wedding is a union between two people, and each person should be treated with equal respect. Yes, The Fiancé didn’t meet every single supplier, but so many of them were rude and disrespectful to him, trying to understand why he wanted to be involved at all.
Don’t pay attention to these people. It’s The Big Day for both of you, and that’s pretty exciting.
Remembering what’s important
Sometimes I forgot to remember what this was all about. Yes, there will be flowers and decorations, and my dress will look awesome, but that’s not what this day is about. And I would sometimes catch myself focusing too much on the reception instead of what’s most important:
I get to marry my best friend, and that’s what matters. I get to spend the rest of my life with this dude, who loves me unconditionally and likes to be weird and silly with me. And that’s the most important thing about The Big Day.
What things made you crazy before The Big Day?